I have created a new website over at Weebly.com for all of my Advocare topics. Right now I am on day 5 of a 24 Day Challenge that starts with a 10 day cleanse. So far so good…I’ve lost 5 pounds so I can’t complain but I have to admit, I’m a carbs girl so watching my children chow down on potatoes is just about killing me. I know I’ll be happier with my results if I don’t give in and cheat…but it’s potatoes. No worries, I’m slowly walking away from the kitchen…slowly walking…slowly…
I hope you will take a minute or two to visit my new site, check out My Advocare Story, and leave a comment…let me know what you think. I also posted my “before” pics there…ugh! If you have any questions about anything you read, leave those in the comments too and I’ll be happy to answer you! Oh, and please feel free to pass this post as well as the link to my other site along to anyone you think would be interested. Thank you so much for taking time out of your busy day for me. It’s much appreciated!
You know how sometimes you question yourself as a parent? Am I doing the right thing? Am I screwing up my kids? Am I being to hard or too lenient with them? Will they turn out to be more like Moses or more like Ted Bundy? You get the picture. I have days like these all the time, and with 7 different personalities to contend with I just may end up with a little bit of everything by the time all is said and done. But what I love is when my kids do something that just floors me and lets me know that hey, I’m doing a pretty good job after all! Today was one of those days and I just HAD to share it with y’all!
For those of you who know my son Jonathan, you know how straight-laced that boy is. He never settles for anything less than 100% in anything he does. He is the most loyal, honest, trustworthy, hard-working, overachieving kid I have ever seen. He’s got a heart the size of Kansas and his work ethic is amazing for a boy his age.
Earlier tonight, Jonathan came up to me with tears in his eyes. I could tell he had been crying for quite some time. He looked at me with this intense sadness in his eyes and hands me a quarter. I asked him what it was for and he explained, “When we still lived in Enterprise you gave me 75 cents to donate at the library one day. I noticed one of the quarters was a state quarter that I didn’t have yet, so I kept it and only donated 50 cents.” Then he started sobbing. I was speechless. We haven’t lived in Enterprise for 3 years! For 3 years this has been eating away at my son. He clearly got away with it. I never knew anything about it, yet the guilt had been weighing on him for the last 3 years and it had finally just been too much for him to handle and he had to tell me…and return the “stolen” quarter.
I hugged my son so tightly and just held him for a few minutes while he cried. He was rubbing my back as we hugged, as if to comfort me. I came out of the hug and started off by saying, “First of all, I want you to know how very disappointed I am in the choice you made back then. You chose to do a very selfish thing with money that wasn’t yours, in essence you stole from me.” At this point he broke down again. I continued,” That money was not for you. It was so lots of other kids could enjoy books at the library; kids who’s mom’s can’t just go run to Barnes and Noble and drop $20 on the latest teen novel. Kids who’s mom’s struggle every day just to put food on the table, so they go to the library to get books to read.” I could tell he had had enough and my point had been clearly made, so I moved on…”Secondly, I want to tell you how very proud I am of you for coming to me and telling me this. You had clearly gotten away with what you had done, but you chose to be honest with me…and repay what you stole…and for that I think the world of you! You may have made a bad choice back then, but you are making it right now and that tells me exactly what an honorable person you are…and I’m proud of you.” He threw himself into my arms and must have said he was sorry about 10 times. When he was done crying we talked a little bit and he said this had been bothering him ever since the day he did it and that he felt so much better telling me about it.
Kids will be kids. We as parents will do our damnedest to raise our kids the best we can, but ultimately as was the case with my son, at the end of the day the choices they make will ultimately be theirs to own. We can only pray that God instills in our children a good conscience and a strong sense of right and wrong. I am so proud of Jon and of what he did. There is still hope that we can raise decent children who will grow up to be honorable young men and women and make a positive difference in the world. All is not lost with the Britney Spears of the world. I will go to bed tonight so thankful for all I’ve been blessed with. It hasn’t been easy raising these kids, and my job is far from over, but it’s days like these that make it all worth while!
Just a quick post this time. These last few days have been really difficult for oh so many reasons. Today I heard on the news that there was a school shooting not far from where I grew up in North East Ohio. So much going on right now and sometimes I feel exactly like the dude singing this song. I have come to really love Simple Plan. I think we all feel like this sometimes…not everyone is willing to admit it though. With so much that is required of me in my life sometimes it would just be nice to be seen as me. One day that will happen…but for now it is what it is. So here it is…Welcome to My Life by Simple Plan. Enjoy!
Last night was rough. When he’s gone I usually fall asleep on the couch because the thought of going to bed without him makes me feel sick. Eventually, the reality of what I have to do in the morning sets in and a good night’s rest in bed seems like the more responsible option…so I turn off the TV and the lights, check the doors and head to bed. I’m asleep as soon as my head hits the pillow, exhaustion taking over. I got to talk to him for a little bit on the phone, but both of us were so tired we didn’t speak long. He’s in a different time zone now so I need to keep that in mind as well. I fall asleep praying for strength and thanking God for getting him there safely.
The first morning without him is wretched. Already the kids are fighting. What a great time to give up drinking coffee. At this point, something stronger sounds a whole lot better, but I opt for Spark and start making lunches. Homework that went unfinished last night is hurriedly being completed. It never occurs to the kids that maybe it’s best to do homework first and goof around later. They’re having a hard time balancing school work with extra-curricular activities and chores right now, but I’m not letting them out of their chores. They’re never going to learn how real life works if I make it easy for them. Anna is screaming right now…she didn’t get her assignment finished on the computer…but it’s time to go, so we leave. I have to drop the boys off so they can catch a ride with a friend’s mom to a math competition today and as we’re driving Anna yells at me “I was trying to get it done and YOU wouldn’t help me!” Really. Wow. I have so much to write here right now but what it all boils down to is the fact that my 9 year old daughter made bad choices and spent her time poorly and now it’s my fault her homework isn’t done. Her words hurt and I am angry, but I realize this won’t be the last time she yells at me in anger and frustration. Instead of going straight to school I take the kids back home so she can finish her assignment. No thank you, she just rushes into the house and straight to the computer. Off to school…he calls while I’m driving and we talk for just a little bit, both of us still exhausted. He’s doing okay, but I can tell in his voice all he wants to do is come back home. He misses us. The kids yell into the phone “Hi Dad! We love you!” but it’s not the same. He’s missing so much right now and he knows that…but the job needs to be done. I drop the kids off, head to run some errands and now here I am again at home. People would tell me to be grateful for the stillness of the house when everyone’s away but in this stillness I feel lonely. I’m use to the hustle and bustle of 14 little feet, conversation going at all times, little people running here and there…but I guess once again God gives me these moments of stillness because he knows I need them…probably just to recover from the morning’s activities. I need to focus on how to use these moments more to my advantage; to put a positive spin on this valuable time. After all, it is Friday which means my next moment of stillness after about 3:00 pm isn’t going to come until 8:00 Monday morning!
The worst part is watching him pack. One by one every article of clothing he owns gets folded neatly and carefully placed inside his duffle bag. Underwear, t-shirts, green socks, boots, uniforms…one by one they disappear not to be seen again in this house for another 10 months. I sit on the bed trying to read…trying to avoid watching him pack…again. It’s too painful, but it’s our life…it’s what we’ve chosen.
We make small talk as he packs, trying to avoid the inevitable. “Do we have any more bar soap? How’s that book you’re reading? Are my clothes done in the dryer yet?” Everything seems so insignificant at this point. What could be more important than tomorrow? Certainly not the status of the clothes in the dryer. I have learned after 15 years that first of all, this crap never gets any easier and secondly, men make small talk to avoid talking about their feelings. They are not afforded the luxury of crying…of screaming about how unfair it is that he has to go away again. They have a job to do. A job that provides for their family and in this economy they are happy to have at least that. It’s a job. Not a choice but more of a calling. Their job becomes our way of life. It is what it is and only other military families can truly understand it.
He finishes packing and we get ready for bed. We talk about silly things…the kids, the dogs…stupid stuff we did while we were dating…friends we miss from college and future plans…plans that will have to be put on hold for another 10 months. He holds me in his arms and I try to memorize every muscle…every breath he takes in and breathes out. He holds me tighter…so tight I can hardly breathe…but I say nothing because tomorrow night his arms won’t be holding me as I fall asleep. I am thankful for this night, this moment in time and wish he didn’t have to go.
Morning. I hate mornings to begin with but this particular morning is going to suck more than most. I get up and shower while he finishes packing. Again with the small talk while I do my hair and he shaves. Stupid small talk. So worthless to me and yet so necessary for him. It’s his only way of letting me know that he’s sad too. I make my way to the kitchen…there are lunches to pack and planners to sign, e-mails to check, kids to get off to school. Damnit, why does life not know how pissed I am right now? Why doesn’t it just stop and give me some time to mourn…time to cry and scream and…life simply goes on around me. I must find it somewhere within myself to function…because my children are depending on me…my husband is depending on me…to keep everything normal so he doesn’t feel so bad about leaving. Maintain normalcy at all times, even if it means hiding feelings and putting on a show because that’s what we’re called to do. Show no weakness…be strong so our husbands can focus on their mission. Not as easy as it sounds.
The morning progresses and there are pictures with Dad before leaving for school. First the Jr. High picture then the Elementary picture. Lastly the Mom and Dad picture. Bags are put into the truck, goodbyes are said and the kids go to school. We are now on what I call The Drive of Dread…heading to the drop-off point. He makes stupid jokes to lighten the mood but the tears still well up in my eyes. I have no control over my emotions and cannot for the life of me stop crying. I tell myself to be strong…that I can’t let him see me crying like this…I can’t let him see me be weak. He needs to count on me to hold things together and I can’t do that if I’m an emotional wreck. I stop crying immediately. Again with the small talk…traffic, work stuff, the weather…until we’re finally there.
He asks me to stay until they leave. I don’t have the heart to tell him no. I sit in his office with him reading a book while he finishes up some last minute paperwork. One by one soldiers file in and out of his office with this question and that…”Sir, can you sign this please?” and “Here’s the mission brief you requested, Sir.” I’m seeing a side of him I don’t usually get to see. It’s fascinating to me to see him in this capacity…like he’s another person all together. Why hasn’t he cried at all? How does he put aside his emotions so easily? I see now that it’s required of him. There’s a saying something to the effect of “If the Army didn’t issue it, you don’t need it.” Well obviously emotions didn’t make the packing list.
It’s time to go. Here come the tears again. We walk down to the hangar…a few last pictures, interviews with the media, pep talk with the troops and it’s time to head out to the aircraft. He looks at me and says “Thank you for coming out here and spending the day with me. It really means a lot to me that you’re here.” Even more tears…the sobbing, uncontrollable kind. He kindly and gently asks me not to cry, tells me he loves me and that he’s got to go. One last gut-wrenching hug and a kiss and he walks off to his aircraft. I watch as he walks away, hating everything about his job at that moment, thinking about what awaits me back at home…an empty house filled with children and noise and laughter but missing one of it’s most important parts. He flies away and my heart aches. I can’t get out of that hangar fast enough…away from it all, from the life that just took my husband away from his family. I hate it all. Tears stream down my face more from anger now than from anything else. And then it’s done. By the time I get back to the truck and get ready to head home the sound of the rotors have faded as has every emotion I felt that day. I am numb. I drive home in disbelief…exhausted and finding it hard to face the reality that once again I’m on my own with the kids and the bills and the laundry, the groceries and the vehicles, the lawn and ….everything. It overwhelms me. 15 years of this crap and it never gets easier.
Now it’s evening. I have only gotten one text from him since he left 7 hours ago. Worry fills my mind but there’s no time for that as I need to run homework and dinner…laundry and check work e-mails that I’ve missed all day. The kids need baths and showers and we need a few groceries from the store. Life goes on with or without me. There’s no time for self pity, no time to whine or whimper, and no one who gives a damn whether I just don’t feel like doing it all this time. Because it is what it is…and life goes on and kids need their mothers when their fathers are away protecting our country and providing for their families. Life goes on and so must I regardless of how I feel or what I want. All I have left holding me together is Faith. God put us here for a reason. We are exactly where He wants us to be so the only hope I have of making it through this is knowing that it’s God’s will and if He brings me to it He’ll bring me through it. If God is all I have then I have all I need.
Thousands of families go through what I just described to you every day. Our military families are called upon to dig deep and become stronger in the face of adversity. It’s not an easy task, but we do it. We are military families because God knows we’re strong enough to face whatever comes our way…but only by His grace and mercy. When you go to bed at night say a prayer for all military families. We serve too.
If you are an Army Wife and you have a computer you know what this post is about. One thing I will not do is bash “Army Wife, Army Life” for her recent blog post. While I agree with not one single word of it, I as a seasoned Army Wife understand how our words and our actions directly impact our husbands and their careers. I will not negatively impact my husband’s career. She’s not worth it.
One point I would like to make though is that when it comes to being an Army Wife, or better yet, a military spouse in general, we are all supposed to be on the same team. We all, regardless of rank or branch, experience heartache and a sense of loss when our spouses deploy. We all have to wear many, many hats in their absence. We all have children to raise and careers to attend to and we all have to, many times, find the strength to do this completely on our own. My friend Holly, who’s husband has been deployed at least 3 times, wakes up during his deployments and says to herself “Time to make the donuts!” I love that. We are all called upon to serve our country as well, but in a much different capacity. It is our job as military spouses to make sure that bills get paid, children get fed and clothed, the lawn is taken care of, vehicles are maintained, care packages are sent, groceries are purchased and on and on so that our husbands can rest assured things are solid on the homefront and they can focus on their jobs. Because when our husbands go to work if they screw up people die. It’s as simple as that.
I don’t want to droll on and on here, I just want to bring the point home that when you’ve been an Army Wife as long as some of us have been (I’m going on 15 years) you learn that titles and ranks mean nothing to us spouses. You don’t wear your husband’s rank and what particular branch of the service your family is a part of is not important when it comes down to what is truly important: supporting one another. A Marine’s wife misses her husband just as much as a Sailor’s wife…just as much as an Army wife, Guard or Active Duty. We are human beings and our husbands are a part of an elite group of people who go out every day and do a job most Americans won’t. I don’t care if you’re officer of enlisted…we are family…all of us. This is one lesson I am hoping Miss “Army Wife, Army Life” learns from this ordeal because one day she will find herself stationed out in the middle of nowhere and her husband will be deployed and she is going to need a support system…and I can tell you from experience, I’ve seen it with my own eyes, individuals with self-righteous attitudes like hers don’t last long in an FRG.
It seems like every year just after the new year has started someone comes up with the same article entitled “How Much Is a Homemaker Worth?” I find these articles particularly amusing because they barely scratch the surface of what we moms do. Usually, these articles are written by men…this year I believe it was written by a woman…Porcshe Moran. All of the usual job titles are covered of course: private chef, house cleaner, child care, driver, laundry service, lawn care…blah, blah, blah. What I want to know is why, if they’re going to insist on doing these articles, they don’t include ALL of our job titles? Here’s the list I came up with just off the top of my head:
Grocery shopper, dirty diaper changer, puke cleaner-upper, dog walker, dog poop scooper, vehicle maintenance technician, light bulb changer, bill payer, disciplinarian, official “because I said no” person, super glue specialist, duct tape specialist (for all those things that just don’t stay together with super glue), professional crayon scribble remover, honorary tea party attendee, tutor, science project manager, executive “run to the store for anything you might need at the last minute” specialist, birthday cupcake party manager, professional classroom volunteer, hair braider extraordinaire, football mom, soccer mom, baseball mom, reader of all things Dr. Seuss, spelling word quizzer, drain unplugger, carpet stain remover, party planner, bouncer (this has come in super handy in my household), Nerf dart finder, Lego creator, and the only person in the entire world that can make animals out of food for the sole purpose of getting children to eat it! I know there is more but I just can’t think of them right now. I’d love to hear your additions to my list! I’m sure you have some funny ones that I haven’t thought of yet. Add your “job titles” in the comments and let’s have some fun with this!
Ever have one of those days…yes THOSE days…you know, where everything seems to be falling apart at the seams? Yep, that’s me today. Take a husband in the military with a never-ending schedule, 7 kids off from school for a long weekend and countless work deadlines to meet and you have the makings for a meltdown the likes of which have never been seen. It’s on days like this very day I am having today that I take a moment (and maybe just a bite of chocolate) and my computer of course and hide out. Right now I’m in my bedroom and have given strict orders not to be disturbed. My children like to eat, and it’s almost dinner time, so I trust my wishes will be followed to the letter. I also have to ask myself “Self, what are you thinking?”
I mean it’s one thing to take on 7 children but quite another to take on 7 children, a military lifestyle AND a home-based business! Who in the world do I think I am? I posted on Facebook earlier that God must think I’m a super hero with all of the challenges He’s throwing at me today…and that I felt my super suit was about 3 sizes too small. Guess it’s time to lay off the chocolate. Dangit! But then a friend of mine posts later, not in response to my post but just something she found interesting and insightful, “When you’re going through something hard and you wonder where God is, remember the teacher is always quiet during a test.” Wow.
God does not expect me to be Supermom…He expects me to do my best and trust Him with the rest. Ahhhh, what a load off. Now it’s time to go back out and face reality…and make dinner. Maybe I’ll take just a few more minutes in the quiet and relax first. Sounds good to me!
I’ve spent days thinking about how I wanted to approach this blog post. It’s on a topic that I could go on and on about for days on end, but we all have things to do so I will try to make it as brief and as to-the-point as I can. I hope you enjoy!
I’ve been through a lot in my life…A LOT!!! We all have our crap, our baggage, our crosses to bear so-to-speak. For some, these things destroy them. There are some who just cannot deal with the things that life sometimes throws their way. Others are better able to see each event, good or bad, as a life lesson. They take these things in stride, suck it up and move on. I think the average person is probably a good mix of both of these types. There are things in life that we look at and say “Ya know what, that really sucked, but I’ll be alright.” and other things that make us say “I’m so done with this crap!” And then there are those who rely on the “Things could always be worse.” addage. I have mixed feelings on that one. Things canalways be worse, of course, but that is the last thing you want to hear when you’re going through something terrible. The truth of the matter is that even though things somewhere for someone else could always be worse, what matters most to you at that time is that things are terribly difficult for you to get through…at that precise moment you can’t find it within yourself to deal with what you have to deal with much less think about anyone else. It’s not selfish, it’s life. It is for that reason that I refrain from using this particular phrase.
I have been praying for a number of things in the past few months…things that are mine, that I would like to see happen in my life and my family’s lives, but ultimately I know Who is in charge. That is why at the end of every prayer I add “…if it is Your will.” Come what may I have learned over the years that God will do for me what He sees fit, as He is the only one with the true “Big Picture”. As I have dealt with difficult things in my life, lived through them and seen for myself that life does indeed go on…sometimes in a better way…I have learned to surrender these things to God and then shut up and let Him do His thing. I guess there are advantages to getting older.
Case in point. I have battled weight issues for years…ever since high school. In high school I had a track coach once tell me as I missed the high jump bar yet again, “Maybe one day you’ll learn to get your fat ass over the bar!” (I weighed a whopping 123 pounds all throughout high school.)Yep, those were his exact words. I know they are because I hear them in my head every day of my life. So it was after that that I decided throwing up what I ate would hep me get my fat ass over the bar…thus began my struggles with weight. I spent the better part of my 20′s and early 30′s pregnant. After having 8 kids in just under 11 years my body was destroyed. I maxed out at 210 pounds just before Jonathan was born. Now that our youngest, Nathan, is almost 7, I have finally found the strength to put my health first and get this weight off…not so I can be skinny, but so I can be healthy. I have a lot of people depending on me. I need to be around for them! Long story short, (I’ll post the long story another day) I’ve finally found something that works for me…a program that helps me lose the weight, makes working out a priority, and gives me the moral support I have never had in the past when dealing with my weight issues. It’s positive and it works. But it’s expensive…at least for me. So the other day I’m struggling with deciding whether I should put the products I needed on my credit card or not. I hate credit cards, but wanted to stick with my program. As I’m struggling with this decision I get a Skype message from a gal I work with. She has more work for me and is wanting to pay me ahead as she always does. What she paid me was $20 more than what I needed to order my products. (Tears…) It is in moments like these that it absolutely baffles me how people cannot believe in God. He opens doors in mysterious ways. I’m grateful for all He does in my life.
This is just one instance of how God has worked in my life. I have about a million stories like this to share…one day we’ll all have to get together over coffee and talk about the rest of them, but for now I think this shows my point. Nothing is impossible. Nothing. If there is something you would like to do, some goal you would like to reach, all you have to do is ask for help and let it be. Do everything you can in your power to make this goal a reality, but you can’t do it alone…a very valuable lesson I had to learn the hard way. God will lead you down the right path if you just ask, believe, and then shut up and let Him do His work. I believe this because I have experienced it numerous times. I see it in the eyes of my children as they talk about what they want to be when they grow up, and I know in my heart they can do absolutely anything they set their minds to. Please don’t go through life thinking you’re not good enough or you’ll never reach your goals. You are and you will! Surround yourself with positive people, pray always even if it’s just a few words here or there, and believe. One of my favorite Christmas movies is The Polar Express because it’s all about the magic in just simply believing. In a world filled with terrible things we have got to hold tightly to the only thing we have left…hope. I will continue to pray and I’m telling you what, I WILL reach my goals this year! My mom bought me a little laminated card with this saying on it when I was in high school and I still have it and read it every day: “Reach up to God the best you can…and He will reach the rest of the way down.” I absolutely love that! And to that coach who never thought I’d get my fat ass over that bar…look at me now! I’m soaring!
Just for fun (and because I’m a total Gleek) I’ve added a little video clip for your viewing enjoyment. Rock on!
Happy New Year Everyone!!! I hope you all had a wonderful holiday season. Now that the new year is upon us, I’m sure each of you has chosen your list of infamous “resolutions”…all of the “will nots” and “must nots” for the new year. Who are we kidding? All New Year’s resolutions do is set us up for failure so we fool ourselves into thinking that this year is going to suck just a little less than last year. We sit there swearing up and down we’ll do the impossible this year. “This year is gonna be THE YEAR!” No it’s not. And here’s why…
New Years resolutions are not realistic. They may be things we would ideally love to accomplish, but in the grand scheme of things we’ll never really see through. Last year I was going to learn to fly, lose all the baby weight I had put on and I swore I’d get discovered for some reality singing show if I would just sing a little louder in the truck while at stop lights with my window down. Nope. Didn’t happen. Here’s what I should have done instead.
This year I’m making a list of long-term goals and short-term goals. I’m only putting 3 things on each list. If I reach those 3 goals and it’s not New Year’s Eve…I’ll add another one, but for now I think 3 is enough pressure to put on myself. Next, I put together a short-but-sweet plan of action for how I was going to attain each goal. This plan doesn’t have to be a “to the letter” type of deal…just a rough outline of how to get it done. Lastly, I made a time table. I gave myself a date when I wanted to be half way done and when I wanted to have my goal completed. Presto! We have a recipe for success! One more thing you could add to your recipe is a friend or two to keep you accountable. Share your goals, plans of attack, and time tables with a friend so they can help you stay honest, and you can return the favor!
I am hoping for some really cool things to happen this year. The new year brings such hope! My wish for you is that you each take every lesson that comes your way as an opportunity to learn…whether it’s a painful lesson or a blessing, look at each event in your lives this year as an opportunity to learn and grow and become more than what you are right now. When we meet again at this time next year I hope to hear your stories of success in 2012! Now get off the computer and start making your lists! Get going! There’s no better time than the present, right! Love and hugs to each and every one of you! Wishing you a blessed and happy 2012!
P.S. I’d like to welcome my new nephew Timothy Michael Sieracki into the world! He was born today weighing in at a mere 9 pounds 5 ounces and was 22 inches long! Congratulations to my sister Kate, her husband Greg and their beautiful family! Timothy makes #13 in their family! Yay!!!
