Has anyone seen that commercial for Xfinity? You know, the one where the guy is flying over a “secluded civilization” of “disheads” who haven’t discovered Xfinity yet? Oh yeah, these poor suckers are trapped with their satellite service that only gives them about 250 channels as opposed to the people who have Xfinity who have like 50 million channels. There is a man in a plane flying above this civilization raining his pitty for these unfortunate souls because they are so stupid “they don’t even know what they’re missing.” But the narrator doesn’t lose hope. Nope, because one day these people will be saved when they find out about Xfinity and all they have to offer. Yep, they will drop their “dish heads” and become like everyone else who has 50 million channels. Then and only then will their lives be complete because they will no longer be “missing out” on anything. Wow. That commercial pisses me off. Let me tell you why.
We live in an age where kids can memorize the lyrics to a song or the fastest way through a video game to the next world easier than they can memorize their states and capitals or their multiplication facts! I don’t know about you but the last time I was in the grocery store and I needed to figure out how many boxes of cereal I could get for my $10.57 knowing where Zelda kept his fuzzy bunny slippers was of no use. I really, really despise how these companies bombard our minds with this crap…like we NEED to have 50 million channels or our lives aren’t complete. Serioulsy, how many cooking channels does one person need…or news channels or weather channels for Pete’s sake! It’s weather!
We have about 30 music channels. Why? I have an iPod with over a thousand songs on it. Why in the name of Zeus’s butthole would I need music on my TV? Same with some of these bizarre shows on these other channels like “16 and Pregnant” or “My Super Sweet 16”. Don’t get me started on those. Yeah, let’s just condone teenage pregnancy and entitlement by making these people famous. Let’s PAY them for being such upstanding members of our society while our teachers and community workers get paid jack crap! Oh buddy…I almost forgot about Honey Boo Boo. Seriously? I just don’t even know if I should go on right now because my momma done taught me if I don’t gots nuttin good to say ta just not say nuttin at all. Shoo. Honey BooBoo is beyond stupid and shame on the TV channels that exploit these people just for ratings. Although they do have a following so what does that say about us as a society? Are we really that interested in how Boo Boo’s momma makes her famous s’ketti sauce out of ketchup and margarine or is it just our sick human curiosity that wonders just how people can live like that? I could go on and on. There are a number of really stupid shows on these days and it has me wondering where we have gone as a society when we consider these things entertainment.
Here’s what I think. I say we cancel our Dish Networks AND our Xfinity and replace them with…wait for it…family time! That’s right, family time! I say we bring back the days of board games and wiffle ball tournaments. What about home made puppet shows and plays where the costumes are all made out of paper grocery bags? Some of my most favorite memories involved all day long hikes out in the woods with my sister Kate, who on any other given day would be my nemesis…but on hiking days, was always my best friend. What about teaching kids how to sew and cook…things that can be used in their activities of daily life. Let’s face it, with this economy going into the crapper every day we may have to resort back to the old-fashioned ways of doing things and let me tell you, if you don’t know how to sew you’re gonna be nekked! Don’t know how to cook…I said cook, from scratch not from a box…you’re going to be hungry! I remember watching my mom can anything edible all summer long and ya know what, when we were homebound because there was 18 inches of new snow that had fallen in the last hour, we ate like kings! That’s what I say we give our kids. A way for them to provide for themselves and to share their talents with those around them. Imagine the community that truly knows how to be self reliant…how powerful that could be!
Xfinity can have it’s 50 million channels. I’ll take family time any day! What about you? Are you a dish head?
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